| | Loneliness. What is that
feeling and how do we know that that is what we are feeling? I'm
beginning to equate Ecuador - the country, with Loneliness - the
emotion. It's not that I don't have supportive people around, but
experiencing loneliness is a way of life here. We (extranjeros) each
have our specific reasons for being here, whether it is to study our
asses off, or party, or to teach abroad, or to learn Spanish, or just
to support a loved one, but they are ours, individually. Yes, we may
share some common feelings while living abroad, but that doesn't always
get you past that "alone" feeling. Even the word for foreigner in
Spanish, "extranjero," implies a sense of being an outsider, an extra,
an unwanted.
I think the difference lies in that "individualized Ecuador
experience." In the states, I just have "to be," like everyone else.
Here, in another country, I have "to get by" while simultaneously
conquering my specific reason for being here in the first place.
Trying to fight that sense of being "the extra" in a play. It's a
feeling of just barely staying above water, all the time.
It's hard to live abroad.
I do not get those people who
move abroad and end up staying for the rest of their lives. Maybe they
are simply lost souls born into the wrong culture and the wrong
country. Like a trans-gender individual, sort of. I wish that I was
cool and strong enough to love living abroad. But, I'm not. I'm
pretty simple, a midwesterner at heart.
I like it easy, and I think I'm okay with that. At least I'm trying to be okay with that.
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| | Posted 1/12/2009 6:03 PM - 32 Views - 2 eProps - 2 comments
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